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You’re a friend.



     What does the friend factory boss do? I
have a few tips for you. You can think about them. You decide if you want to
use them. You’re the boss. It’s up to you.


     The first tip is this. “To make a
friend, you have to be a friend.” What do you think about that? Are you a
friend? Let’s think about that.


     Are you a friend? If so, you do the things
friends do. Here are four things that friends do. You can decide if you want to
do them.


     1. Friends are consistent. They treat you
the same way every time you see them. They always speak to you when they see
you. They don’t ignore people. Of course, they aren’t friendly with strangers
but they are always nice to people they know. They follow this rule. “I
always treat everyone the way I would like them to treat me.” Are you
consistent? Do you treat everyone the way you would like to be treated?


     “I want to make friends.” Is that
you talking? Did you say that you want to make friends? Good for you. That is
totally terrific. Are you ready to get started making friends? If so, here we
go.


     Think of someone who you might like to have
as a friend. It can be someone at your school or in your neighborhood. It’s
someone who you think might be a good friend. Did you think of someone? If so,
they have to pass a little test.


     Is that person consistent? Does that person
treat everyone the way you want to be treated? Is that person always nice to
other people? If so, that is someone who might be a good friend. If not, you
can do a lot better than making friends with that person. You can spend your
time talking with people who are consistent. They are like you. They are the
best friends. Your friend factory works best when you spend your time making
friends with people who are consistent.


     2. Friends are positive. Positive means you
are very sure. “I’m positive I like ice cream.” Get ready. There’s
another kind of positive.


     I’ll whisper again, if that’s okay with
you. Lean down so no one can read over your shoulder. This secret is just for
the friend factory boss. Are you checking to be sure that no one is trying to
read this? Okay, here it is.


     Some people get upset over nothing. They
pout and call people names. They yell at people and are angry a lot. They argue
with everyone. Do you like the word “sourpuss” to describe people
like that? I’ll use sourpuss. You can use a different word if you have one you
like better. You are the boss.


     Positive people are the opposite of
sourpusses. It’s easy to have fun when positive people are around.


     Positive people get upset sometimes but
they get over it quickly. They don’t pout or call people names. They don’t yell
at people either. They get angry sometimes but don’t stay angry very long. If
they get into an argument, they say what they think and then stop arguing.


     Are you getting the idea? Positive people
are fun to be around. They don’t make fun of anyone. They follow this rule.
“If I don’t have something nice to say about someone, I’ll keep quiet. I’m
a positive person. I’m not a sourpuss.”


     Think about the person who you might like
as a friend. You decided that they are consistent. They have to pass another
important test.


     Is that person positive? Is that person fun
to be around? Does that person quickly get over being upset or angry? Does that
person keep quiet instead of calling people names or getting into big
arguments? If so, they might be a good friend. If not, you can do a lot better
than making friends with a sourpuss. You can spend your time talking with positive
people. They are like you. They also make the best friends. Your friend factory
works best when you spend your time making friends with positive people.


     3. Friends always do their best. I know
that you always do your best but some people don’t. They haven’t figured out
the secret.


     You’ll keep the secret to yourself, won’t
you? We don’t want everyone to know. It’s just between us. Here it is.


     Let’s think about how you do your best.
Each time you do your best, you are the winner.


     When you brush your teeth, do you make sure
you get them really clean? Sure you do. You always do your best.


     When you do your homework, do you make an
extra effort to do it right? Sure you do. You always do your best.


     When you play a game, do you try hard to
win? Sure you do. You always do your best.


     At school, do you pay attention to your
teacher? Sure you do. You always do your best.


     When you write, do you always try to write
neatly? Sure you do. You always do your best.


     Why do you always do your best? You do your
best because you’re special. You deserve the best. You try to be the best
person you can be. That means you need to always do your best.


     The next time you do something, ask
yourself if you did your best. If you did your best, look in the mirror and
smile at yourself. Say, “Thank you. I’m happy I did my best for me.”


     Some people don’t always do their best.
They could do better but don’t. They don’t know how important it is to do their
best. They are satisfied with just doing good enough.


     Think about the person who you might like
as a friend. You decided that they are consistent. You also decided that they
are positive. They aren’t a sourpuss. Now, they have to pass another little
test.


     Do they always do their best? Do they pay
attention at school? If they are playing a game, do they try hard to win? Do
they do their homework every day? Do they keep their teeth nice and clean? Do
they always do their best? If so, they might make a good friend. If not, you
can do better.


     You can spend your time talking with people
who always do their best. They are like you. They make the best friends. Your
friend factory works best when you spend your time making friends with people
who always do their best.


     4. Friends make good choices. This is a
little bit complicated. You can handle complicated stuff because you’re soooo
smart. What do you think? It’s fun being smart, isn’t it?


     You need to know about values. Do you know
what values are?


     Values are what you think are important.
You believe that it’s better to be right than to be wrong. That means that you
value being right. Being right is one of your values. What other kinds of
things do you value?


     Do you have time for a short quiz? If
you’re not too busy, here are ten questions you can answer. Read the question.
After you read a question, decide what your answer is. You don’t have to write
anything. You can just think about your answer for each question.


!    Do you value taking care of
your stuff?


!    Do you value keeping clean
and taking care of yourself?


!    Do you value doing your best
in school?


!    Do you value being nice to
other people?


!    Do you value being honest?


!    Do you value being someone
people can trust?


!    Do you value being
cooperative?


!    Do you value being helpful?


!    Do you value being someone
who people like to spend time with?


!    Do you value being the best
person you can be?


     I know another little secret. You answered,
“Yes,” to each of the ten questions. How do I know that? I know it
because I know something special about you. You’re soooo smart. Smart people
like you always answer, “Yes,” to those questions.


     Think about the person you might want to
have as a friend. Please think about this carefully. How would that person
answer the ten questions.


     If you think they would give the same
answers you did, you and that person have the same values. If not, you and that
person have different values.


     You know that friends make good choices.
What does that have to do with values? That’s a totally terrific question. I’m
not surprised you asked it. You’re soooo smart.


     This is the deal. You use your values to
make choices. Here’s how it works.


     You value taking good care of your stuff.
That means that you’ll choose to be careful with your things and put them away
when you’re finished. Do you see how your value causes you to make good
choices?


     You value keeping clean and taking care of
yourself. That means that you’ll choose to brush your teeth. You’ll take your
bath and eat balanced meals. You won’t do things that are dangerous or that
could hurt you. Do you see how your values cause you to make good choices?


     Let’s do one more. You value doing your
best in school? What choices does this value cause you to make? Of course you
know the answer because you’re soooo smart. Your value causes you to pay
attention in school. It causes you to do your homework neatly and completely.
It causes you to work hard to do your best in school.


     You make good choices because you have good
values. If someone else makes good choices too, that means that they have
values like yours. You and that person value the same things.


     If someone else makes bad choices, they
don’t have values like yours. That’s why they make bad choices.


     Think about the person you might like to
have as a friend. Does that person have values like yours? Does that person make
good choices? If they answered the questions on the quiz, would their answers
be the same as yours?


     If their answers would be the same as
yours, they might make a good friend. If not, you would do better spending your
time with someone else. They won’t make a very good friend. Your friend factory
works best when you spend your time making friends with people who make good
choices.


     That’s the four things I promised to tell
you about making friends. Friends are consistent. Friends are positive. Friends
always do their best. Friends make good choices.


     What do you think? Is that some good stuff
to know about friends? You can use that stuff when you want to decide if
someone would be a good friend.


     Do you want to know some more stuff about
making friends? If so, turn the page and read the next chapter. Before you do
that, I’ll give you a little hint about reading this book.


     The things I’ve told you about friends are
worth thinking about. Take some time to think about them. Instead of reading
the next chapter right now, you deserve a break. Put the book down. Go do
something really fun for a while. After that, you can come back and read
another chapter. I’ll wait here for you.


     When you come back, we’ll think about some
more stuff. It’ll help you be the best friend factory boss you can be. It’s a
big job but you can handle it. You know why. Go ahead and say it. “Because
I’m soooo smart.”





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Please send comments or questions to Gary A. Crow, Ph.D. GAC@drgarycrow.com || and visit www.drgarycrow.com.