18. They often cannot express their thoughts and ideas.
Many things can lead to trouble expressing thoughts and ideas. Children get excited or upset. They find themselves in new situations. They have to deal with things they do not understand.
Some children are more talkative and others are quieter. Some find it hard to write about things. Some can let you know what is on their minds from their facial expression and other body language. The ability to communicate varies a lot. For that matter, it varies for each child at times. Some days he can get his ideas across better than others.
Does your foster child have more trouble communicating than other children? There can be several reasons. Ask yourself these questions. Has he had a chance to learn? Did anyone care what he had to say? At least, you will give him a chance. You care what he has to say.
Your approach is to be patient, to teach, and to set a good example. Start by being a careful and interested listener. You ask, “How was your day?” He says, “Alright.” you then say, “Alright is one of those words I have trouble reading. It sounds like your day was somewhere between good and bad. If you will tell me two or three things about your day, it will be easier to tell how it really was for you. Was there anything you liked or did not like about your day? What worked well or not so well? Will you share a little detail?”
Another reason for trouble communicating is a part of human nature. Children think and feel a lot more than they can communicate. It can be hard to find the right words or put thoughts and ideas together. The child might think he is not smart enough to explain things. Even worse, he might believe it is not worth the bother.
You say, “Knowing what you think and feel is important to me. It feels to me like you have some interesting thoughts and ideas. You either don’t know how to say what’s on your mind or do not think talking about it will make any difference. Maybe you think I will get upset or talking will make things worse. If you do not want to talk, I won’t push. It would help me if I had some idea about what’s keeping you from talking to me. Do you think talking might make things worse?” If he says it will or does not say anything, let it alone. That was the deal. You said you would not push.
Learning problems are connected. Trouble expressing thoughts and ideas can be connected to problems making choices and decisions. Think about it like this. The child has many thoughts and feelings. Which thoughts does he tell you about? Which feelings does he share? How does he choose? Deciding may be hard for him.
Also keep this in mind. If he thinks you will not believe him, he will keep his thoughts and feelings to himself. Saying what is on his mind might not be smart. It could go like this. “Did you do your homework?” “No.” You then ask, “Why not?” He says, “It was too hard. I don’t like school anyway.” You now say, “It doesn’t matter whether you like school or not. You have to do your homework.”
The child has to wonder whether it might be smarter just to lie to you the next time. For what it is worth, he really did say the homework was too hard. This usually means he does not know how to do it. Not knowing how was a reasonable explanation. Also, it was the truth. He cannot do something he does not know how to do.