Underlying Interpersonal Processes
It will be most helpful if you complete activity 9
(Interpersonal Priority Setting) before working on this activity. When you are ready, the idea here is to look
at how well you manage your relationships within your family. The better you become at relationship
management, the more satisfying and useful the relationships in your family
will be for you. Rate yourself on each
of the seven statements below using a scale from five to one. Five equals almost always, four equals
usually, three equals sometimes, two equals seldom, and one equals almost
When you experience difficulties in your relationships
within your family, come back to these seven statements and consider how you
are doing. It will be helpful to add
your seven ratings together for the seven statements and then divide the total
by seven. You are on the right track
when you maintain a process score of 4.0 or higher.
The even capitalized words at the beginning of the
statements simply give names to the seven processes. DIRECTION is a process that helps direct or
move relationships in ways that are useful to you. ACTION encourages others to respond to and
support your needs and interests.
ATTITUDE MANAGEMENT encourages others to see you in a positive
light. DISTANCING encourages others to stay close enough to you and
available enough to you to be there for you at all times. MAINTAINING ENGAGEMENT is a very closely
related idea that helps meet your need to always feel that you belong and are
part of the family. MANAGING CONFLICT
helps assure that your family relationships are as comfortable for you as they
can be. MODELING is a process that you
involve yourself in to better assure that others in your family will behave and
relate to you in ways that are pleasing and satisfying to you.
1. DIRECTION I keep
the commitments I make to and agreements I make with members of my family.
2. ACTION I think
about, understand, and support the needs and interests of members of my family.
3. ATTITUDE MANAGEMENT
I maintain a flexible approach with members of my family, relating to
each member in ways that are most useful to and comfortable for him/her.
4. DISTANCING I am
sure that the members of my family get acknowledgment, time, and attention from
me on a regular basis.
5. MAINTAINING ENGAGEMENT
I consistently show my interest in the activities and problems of others
in my family.
6. MANAGING CONFLICT
I identify, define, and work on resolving any points of conflict or
tension that come up in my relationships with people in my family.
7. MODELING Within my
family, I behave and relate to others as I would like for them to behave and to
relate to me.