This activity is designed to help you assess your marriage
relationship. For each of the statements
below, rate yourself using a scale from five to one. Five equals almost always, four equals
usually, three equals sometimes, two equals seldom, and one equals almost
never. Once you have finished rating
yourself in terms of all of the items, add your ratings together and divide the
total by fifteen. The result will be a marriage
score. Generally, marriage scores of 4.0
or higher are found in happy, successful marriages. Importantly, though, you will want to give
attention to any item where you have given yourself a rating of three or less
and especially to those items where you have given yourself a rating of two or
less. In these cases, the first step is
to talk about the marriage area with your partner. The next step is to talk with your marriage
consultant about the specific problem area.
He/she will have advice and suggestions specifically related to this
marital area. Following the suggestions
will lead to your being more effective with that specific area.
Anytime you are experiencing difficulties within your
marriage, keep in mind that the only thing you can do is to be the most
skilled, the most effective friend-partner-lover you are capable of being. Go back to this activity, rate yourself and
be sure to maintain your personal marriage score at a 4.0 level or above for
two or three months, being very careful that no area continues at a level under
3.0. Also be sure that you are giving equal
attention and emphasis to all three core dimensions: to being a friend, to
being a partner, and to being a lover.
Neglecting one of these core dimensions or putting off working on it is
equivalent to deciding to let your marriage fail.
1. I am clear about what is most important to me in my
2. I have good personal habits.
3. I am fun to be around.
4. I am willing to take the first step to improve things in
5. I keep hassles and arguments short, to the point and
6. I do not try to change my partner.
7. I am open and up front with my partner about what I think
8. I am clear about what my partner sees as most important
in our marriage.
9. I manage involvement and relationships with relatives (or
ex-relatives) in ways that make sure they do not interfere with my marriage.
10. I am a good money manager.
11. I do my share to keep our bills from getting out of
12. I am sexually skilled.
13. I enjoy sex with my partner.
14. My partner enjoys sex with me.
15. If I were my partner, I would like being married to me.