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Breaks and damages things:



This sign depends on whether breaking and
damaging things is accidental, unintentional, or on purpose. These are three
different problems. If your youngster often breaks things by accident, it is
probably a physical problem. It may involve coordination, vision, or another
medical problem that needs to be evaluated by a physician.



Unintentionally breaking things is a little
harder to understand. It may be because of not knowing how to use toys and
equipment. Think about why it happens and see if teaching your child how to use
things correctly might work better than forbidding him to use whatever he
broke.



Unintentionally breaking or intentionally
breaking things are sometimes degrees of the same behavior. Your child feels
upset, angry, or wants to get even. He is careless and too rough with others’
things and may intentionally break them or at least not care. He may behave the
same way with his things, taking out his anger and frustration on objects.
Whatever the focus of his aggression, the behavior is a kind of temper tantrum.



Although it is extraordinarily difficult, if
your child is exhibiting this behavior, it is better to calmly watch while he
breaks whatever it is, unless your child or someone else might be hurt. Most of
the time, you cannot stop him anyway. He can always break it when you are not
there to do anything about it.



There are several things you can do. If your
child can, he should pay for what he broke. If you use this approach, avoid
taking away all his money for very long. It is better to set up payments your
child can afford.



Further, it usually helps not to replace what he
broke if it belonged to him; but be careful. You do not want him to end up with
nothing but junk. He needs to see his things as valuable before not breaking
them will matter to him.



Each time he breaks something, talk with him
about how he felt. Your goal is to get your child to talk about how he felt
angry, jealous, or frustrated. You can say, “Your breaking things is a
problem. At least you reached your goal. If you broke them to cause someone a
problem, you got the job done. That lets me know you can communicate. Here’s
what I want to talk about. There are better ways to let people know how you
feel. For example, yelling or pounding your pillow is better. They aren’t
long-term solutions but are in the right direction. Can you talk about some
choices you have better than breaking things?” Having this discussion with
him as often as necessary is important. Have it each time the problem occurs.
That will be easier if you have this discussion when neither you nor your child
is upset or angry. This may mean you will need to wait a while to give both you
and your child a chance to settle.





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