What would your child be like without values? He
would not care about anyone or anything but himself and might not even care
much about himself and about what he becomes. The extreme version of this is
not caring if he hurts people. You may have already gotten this ill-considered
advice: “Don’t let him know he hurt you. Don’t let him get under your
skin. If he does, act like he didn’t.” The normally well-meaning advice is
not to let him know he won.
He hurt you and upset you a lot. You do not
honestly let him know this truth by getting angry with him, hurting him, or by
withdrawing from him. He needs you to frankly let him know how it feels to you
in adult terms.
Say, “What you said (or did) upset me. It
hurts way down inside. It’s an awful feeling. It feels like I was just pushed
off a cliff and am falling. I’m afraid. It may be the worst feeling I’ve ever
had. I’m really suffering.”
He likely says he does not care. If so, say,
“That makes me feel even worse. Your not caring is worse for me than what
happened. You don’t need to say or do anything about it. I just want you to
know how much I am hurting.”
Will you ever get through to him? It is certain
by not trying, you will never get through to him. He needs your caring and
honesty, straight-up and to the point.