I have an all too familiar tale to tell. I download a zip file from what seems to be a trustworthy site on the information highway. I use my handy mouse to double click on the downloaded file, anticipating the goodies within. Poof! My new computer instantly becomes mostly useless, obstinate, and refuses to do even the most mundane task.

The very next day, it was my niece’s computer. Yes indeed, Poof!

No, the monster was not finished, not by a long shot. Another day and poof! – my grandson’s computer.

I’m tempted to tarry a bit to whine some about frustration and inconvenience, time wasting and unreasonable bother. My needing to get all three computers functional again and having to spend who knows how long on Google to figure out how to do that could be included in what would quickly shift from a good whine to a rant. Maybe I could pitch in a line or two on my preferred role as a computer user, not a computer fixer. All that would be way off topic.

I absolutely have a rant in mind but intend to focus all of its venom and energy on lashing out at the Frankenstein who quite consciously and with full knowledge and malicious intent sabotaged three perfectly functional computers, my niece’s and grandson’s daily Facebook obsessions, and my typically tranquil state of mind not to speak of the cool stuff I would have done were it not for having to spend time as a computer fixer.

No, it’s not possible, is it? I must have imagined it. I surely didn’t hear someone say, “I don’t get it. What’s he talking about? What’s got him in such a snit?”

I suppose it’s really true. There are actually people who have never had a visit from that despicable siber monster. There may even be some who have never touched a computer and have no idea why anyone would want to have personal contact with one. Go figure.

I distract myself. Bless the naive hearts of all the computer virgins (all 316 of them) but this rant is one hundred percent aimed at that contemptible, modern day Frankenstein, that dastardly siber criminal who deserves every furious blast he (or perhaps she) is going to get.

A run–of–the–mill rant doesn’t cut it. It gets worse, far worse. Does the black screen of death ring a bell? Suffice it to say it tolls the end of the road for Windows 7. Think chaos theory. Windows Explorer occasionally does not respond and now pushing the power button brings up a screen where mouse clicking and pressing enter do nothing. If that isn’t bad enough, the screen is ugly. Talk about things going from bad to worse!

Uncle! Uncle! I surrender!

The black screen of death box is resting peacefully along side the other two on the bench of a genuine computer technician. Yes, when I surrender, I surrender. I simply put all three computers in my car and hustled them off to a professional. What a concept! In less than ten days all three will be surfing the net, two will be back checking out Facebook, my typically tranquil state of mind will have returned, and I will be back to doing the cool stuff I like to do when not trying to pass myself off as a computer fixer.

“What about siber crime and siber criminals?” you ask. As best I can tell from Google and my professional computer fixer, that dastardly siber Frankenstein initiated the crash and for that deserves all bad things.

I think I will just work on my tranquil state of mind and finding cool things to do while I wait on my professional computer fixer to work some magic. Yes indeed, that is just what I will do.

Now you know so there you go.