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Better Relationships Are Not Rocket Science

If you are serious about wanting our relationship to work well for both of us:

Help me get what I want and need, help me succeed.

Assume I am trying to do well, trying to succeed.

Do not assume you are a better judge of how things are for me than I am.

Do not use yourself as the standard for how I should think, feel, or behave.

Hold me responsible only for what I can actually do and can control.

Value who I am, my style and personality.

Assume I believe what I say and do not intentionally misrepresent anything.

Respect my feelings and opinions.

Be sensitive to my motivations and interests.

Give me the benefit of the doubt when things are not clear or certain.

If you value me and our relationship:

Make time for me.

Accept me as is without trying to change me.

Respect my ideas and opinions.

If you want me to be comfortable with you and with our relationship:

Be someone I can depend on.

Do not expect me to think, feel and behave just like you.

Spend more time telling me what you think I am doing right than what you think I am doing wrong.

Do not take your problems and bad mood out on me.

If you want me to cooperate with you:

Help me understand your goals and motivations.

Give me reasons and explanations when I ask for them.

Let me try to help solve your problems instead of expecting me to accept your solutions.

Be prepared to handle my being upset or unhappy with you at times.

When you have a problem with me:

Be assertive with me without becoming hostile or aggressive.

Keep your attention mostly on the problem and not on me.

If an argument or disagreement starts, keep it short, to the point, and under control.

Hang in there with me till we get the problem worked out.

If you want to succeed with most all of your relationships:

Understand and value what you can and cannot do.

Be open and up front about what you think and feel.

Be flexible and willing to compromise.

Be well-organized and prepared, whatever you are doing.

Be quick to praise and slow to criticize.

Be clear about what you want or expect.

Have the same level of energy and commitment when things are not going well as when they are.

Compliment publicly, criticize privately.

Be consistent and predictable.

Deal with problems and conflicts as soon as you become aware of them.

Focus primarily on what is working, on what is going well.

Put most of your attention and energy on how to get ideas to work and off why they will not work.

Give everything you do your best shot.

Handle whatever needs done in a timely manner.

Have good personal habits.

Invest most of your time and energy in getting things done.

Keep commitments and agreements.

Keep criticisms very specific.

Make the difficult decisions and accept responsibility for them when you believe it is necessary.

Pitch in and work a little harder, do a little more when necessary.

Stay positive and in a good mood most of the time.

Snap back from disappointments and those times when things do not work out the way you want.

Be spontaneous and usually ready for whatever.

Take personal responsibility when you see something that needs done and no one is doing it.

Try to understand the what and why of problems before taking action.

Try to stay calm and relaxed.

Be willing to take the first step to improve things and make them better.

Be reasonable and patient.

Fit the intensity and forcefulness of your reactions and criticisms to the seriousness or importance of the problem or incident.

Do not overreact to problems and things that happen.

Remember and own what you have said, agreed to, and what you have done.

Be decisive and able to make up your mind.

Be energetic and hard-working.

Do the right things, for the right reasons, at the right times.

Now you know so there you go.